when God talks about the trials that we have to go through to grow, i didn't expect the trial i am going through now to be so long. it still hasn't ended, but every moment i pray to be happy and able to praise Him with genuine joy from my heart. every time i feel like i am drifting away from God, He will place me in a trial, a trial where He knew i would turn to Him always. all because of His great love for me.

there are times, when i feel that i don't want to be under the cruel hands of the world anymore or the loneliness that tagged at my heart, i will ask Him to take me home soon. But i can't bear the thought that how my close ones will feel. ok, there were times when i thought maybe my existence doesn't really matter to them at all. somehow i will realised that it is all the devil's doings and i was so gullible to even doubt. but maybe, i am just purely home-sick.

there were times too, that i doubt God of His plan for me. it is hard to believe in a future so unknown, so unpredictable. my faith gets tested and hits the core of my very existence. but somehow, i could never not turn to Him. the foundation of my very existence, the pillar of strength i draw from when i feel weak against whatever enemy i may face. He promised that even when the ocean rise and thunder roars, He will soar with me over them.

God said He will wipe my every tear, heal my broken heart and make me happy. yes, there are some situations that such promises seems to distant. but it is because God wants me to wait for the right time, where finally i get to tramp on my fears or enemies triumphantly. and bring glory to Him. it is difficult but i will learn to be patient (: for He will never forsake me because He, the maker of the stars would rather die for you then live without you (:

i want to stand at the feet of my miracle maker.
i dream of staring at the face of my miracle maker.
i'll always walking the shoes of my miracle maker.

Father, i will be still and know You are God (: