attention!
the following post is about lyd's reflection and rantings on the sixteen years and almost three months of life she had lived.
it can get boring, so if you have no interesting i gladly advise you to leave happily. (:


alright, for the past sixteen years and almost three months of life that i have live, i learnt so much. my life made up by all my failures and success (which i have nothing much to boost about), all these gets me thinking what kind of a person am i.

well, i definately got to admit i was shy before. i had this thinking that studying is what matters. what a nerd i was. laugh out LOUD! but im glad i had friends. but when i hit secondary one, i didnt really open up to the people around me. i was still very shy and often hide myself in a cocoon that i have built. it was safe, warm and quiet, but it can be confining, dark and lonely. i felt that no one understand me and what i was going through. i had a fear and the fear was not being able to talk to people one on one. i couldnt even make eye contact. i didnt even dared to do a lot a lot of things. my shyness caused a lot of hinderance. hence,i dreaded public speaking and presentations. so often i self-consciously hid myself in my cocoon and take comfort in being a loner. yes, a loner. i thought that a loner does not have to bear the world's cruelty cause i would never criticise myself and make myself feel sad. but who knows, i sank deeper and ended in depression. i even thought that suicide was the solution. how silly i was, if i was to think back now. i was ultimately silly. i do regret now. that cocoon i thought that it would make me safe was actually harming me. loneliness can really get into your system and i guess that was my case. of course, no one knew cause i kept it all inside and often hid my sadness with laughters. i wipe my tears in silence. i even single-handly let some of my friendships slip through my fingers. ha. what a fool i was. but i guess that's why i am now a person who doesnt talk much especially to people i am not really close too. so now, i am still sometimes quiet and reserve and seldom take initiative. however, i am in amist of chaging all that. it takes time.

i guess no one is perfect on this earth and we all make mistakes. the world cant take our mistakes but i know someone can. He is the Greatest One above. so now, with Him to back me up, im going to take the front seat of my life. i am going to enjoy life the way i want it. :D im going learnt from my mistakes. so what if the world cant accept, it doesnt matter anymore. i dont want to be shy anymore, i dont want to deprive myself from all the fun that i can have. it will be a hard road to take to become from a shy person to a more open up person. but i believe in miracles and what my Hero can do for me. :D

i would like to thank all those who have stick with me all this while. although there are some who did not and hurt real bad. i still like to thank them. at least they showed me their true colours and did make an impact on my life. however, i love you guys who have stick by me and gave me the advise and being my friend. and i thank God for all of you. :D

life is unpredicable and tough, but i have my Hero to save me!

if you did read this post, i would like to thank YOU too. :D